John Wayne
by youdressedsofine
Summary: The one in which Dan and Blair stop ignoring the signs life is giving them. Post S3 with some slight changes from canon.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Er, hello! I know I need to update my other fics (they have not been abandoned...I am very, very sorry for the delay), but this happened when that was supposed to be happening. I hope you (if there are any of you left lol) will accept this as an apology and as something to tide you over until I can get the others updated (which will seriously be soon!). I've always had this idea to do a fic for everytime during a season Dan and Blair could have happened and this is part of that. I've been sitting on it since last year and decided it was time to finally clean it up and post it. It's set maybe a couple of weeks after 3x22. Things that are different in this fic: Vanessa and Dan broke up at some point due to distance, Georgina has not shown up at Dan's door announcing she's pregnant with his child, and Dan chose not to follow Serena to Paris because, well, I say so and he's over being her lap dog. There will be mentions of Dan's and Blair's complicated love lives with others. I think that basically covers what you need to know! Dan and Blair would have made the best, most entertaining fuck buddies so I guess this is my attempt that I am sure will turn into a fluffy, gooey love fest before it's all said and done. I hope you enjoy! As always, any feedback is welcome! **

**Title is from The John Wayne by Little Green Cars. **

"What's your name, beautiful?" Dan feels a little bad for the drunken hipster trying to hit on her. All the same, he observes the scene with amusement. It's been a long, uneventful party. He needs some form of entertainment. Blair Waldorf will have to do.

She makes a small noise to indicate her distaste as her eyes scan his body. "John Wayne." She replies flatly and takes a sip from her cup. Dan feels something spark inside of him and push him closer to the action. He doesn't know why he's still surprised by how clever she is. The hipster looks around confused and Dan chuckles to himself as he watches the scene unfold. This kid is never going to get it.

"Like John Wayne the western dude?" The hipster has moved from confused to intrigued.

She frowns. "It's really no fun if I have to explain it to you." Blair sighs and checks her nails before she looks up at the guy. "Like John Wayne the western dude who shot people down without so much as a second thought." She smirks and leaves her victim in her dust as she starts to move confidently through the party. John Wayne indeed.

Dan can't even help the small smile that forms on his lips after witnessing the execution. "As I recall, John Wayne usually had a clean shot." He says as he falls into step beside her.

She turns her head and looks at him curiously. "What are you doing, Humphrey?"

"I'm bored and buzzed; you're making a mockery of NYU's dullest. You do the math." He shrugs and takes a sip of his beer.

"Feeling left out?" She cuts her eyes to him for a moment. "You know you've had plenty of turns. I have to spread the wealth." He smirks as he looks ahead. She isn't wrong. "His slow death, by the way, had nothing to do with my aim and everything to do with his IQ." She pushes the door to the staircase open. Dan follows her against his better judgment and nearly gets smacked in the head by the door she doesn't bother to hold for him. He ignores that warning because she's a familiar face and that's kind of what he wants right now. Serena had told him she was coming home for a few days to see Dorota, but he hadn't expected to actually see her. It surprised him in a good way? Sometimes he misses his high school…..torturers. It must be some delayed form of Stockholm Syndrome. She clears her throat and looks up at him as she starts to walk down the stairs.

"Uh, so, where are you going?" There's no sense in beating around the bush with her. She'll enjoy it too much when she inevitably figures out that he wants company.

"I don't know." She sighs loudly. "The truth of the matter is I'm bored and buzzed myself."

"Oh." He does not know how to even hang out with her. "Well, I think the loft should be free if you want to go watch a movie or something."

She groans. "Humphrey, I am not going to watch one of Vanessa's home movies with you so you can cry on my shoulder."

He clicks his tongue against his teeth. "I'm fine. Long distance relationships never work and I don't know—I think—I think my feelings for her were born out of some weird need I have to just have feelings for someone, you know? Maybe that's why I got tangled up with Serena again..." She stops short on the stairs and he nearly falls over her. She turns and looks at him like she's already bored. He rolls his eyes and waits for her sass.

"This is exactly what I mean." She huffs out a breath. "I have no interest in your relationship with Vanessa or Serena or your self-reflections. I refuse to suffer for my sins in this manner." She turns around and continues walking down the stairs.

"What sins?" He shakes his head and furrows his brow. "Why are you suddenly so caught up in the bad things you've done?"

"If you promise to be as quiet as an obedient little mouse and let me try to choose something watchable from what I'm sure is a rather emo-indie film library I will allow you the pleasure of my company." He's not even surprised she ignored his question. She can read people like a book and throw their darkest secrets in their face, but don't ask her where she bought her shoes and expect an honest answer. She throws the door open and, again, doesn't bother to hold it for him. He catches it hard with his hands.

"Fine." He shakes his head and begins in the direction toward the loft. Lonely boy has reached new levels of loneliness if she's the best he can wrangle up in the friend department. He's made it a block or two when he realizes she's trailing kind of far behind him. He turns to look at her. "Blair, it's Brooklyn. You won't see anyone you know here; it's ok to walk a little closer."

"It's my shoes." She whines. "I'm not drunk enough for this walk in these heels. They're not broken in yet."

"Oh." He stops and waits for her to catch up to him. "Why didn't you say so?"

She darts her eyes around the street as she stops beside him. "I don't know. I guess it usually doesn't matter."

He purses his lips as his eyes study her. A glimpse of the vulnerable Blair Waldorf happens about once a year with him, but he's starting to lose count in just the past few months. She moves past him before he can reply. She makes a quiet whimpering noise with each limp she struggles to take. He can't talk himself out of opening his mouth. "Do—Do you want me to carry you or something?"

"Oh my God." She scrunches up her face. "This is not _Wuthering Heights _and you are no Heathcliff."

His face scrunches up and he nearly laughs out loud. "Uh, Heathcliff is a psychopath." She scoffs and keeps moving. God, she is just so annoying. What was he thinking? "Though I'm not surprised you don't recognize that." He mutters. She shoots him a glare and trips over a broken piece of sidewalk. She recovers on her own and tosses her hair over her shoulder as she continues walking. Something about it impresses him. He sighs and wonders if they'll always be in this holding pattern. Someone has to break the cycle here. "I could give you a piggy back ride."

She stops walking and looks over at him thoughtfully. "If you ever even think of mentioning this to anyone—"

He stops beside her. "I know, I know. You'll ruin my life, blah blah blah." He turns and waits for her to climb on. He can feel her behind him, but she hasn't even made a move yet. "What are you doing?" He turns his head to see her thinking hard.

"How do I…." She bites her lip and points to his back.

"Wow. Ok. The Upper East Side has got to be the stuffiest place on earth." She huffs and he backs closer to her. "Alright, wrap your arms around my neck and like lift yourself off the ground then wrap your legs around my waist—" She clumsily climbs onto him before he can even finish, nearly knocking them both to the ground. "Ok. Or like that." She's practically choking him. He grabs her legs to make sure she doesn't fall off as he starts to move. He should have thought about that before he did it. She's going to yell about boundaries and privileges any second now. Not to mention her legs are really soft and smooth. They're—they're nice. He won't lie to himself and act like he's never noticed that Blair is beautiful and….sexy, but he always thought actually touching her would be weird. He feels her adjust against him and she rests her head against the side of his. She never did say anything about his hands on her legs and now this…. "You ok back there?" Why did he ask that? She's going to attack for sure now.

"Yes. This is bearable." She says quietly. Bearable. That's practically a declaration of eternal devotion from her.

He manages to make it all the way up the stairs and into the loft with her in place on his back. When they get inside he stops in the middle of the room and she climbs down slowly. "Thank you." She mumbles and kicks her shoes off.

"Mmmhmmm." He shoves his hands in his pockets. What was his plan here? Did he ever really have one beyond having company?

She looks at him with wide, annoyed eyes before she brushes past him. He nearly falls over, but catches himself and follows her into the kitchen. "Wine, Humphrey?"

"Oh, uh, sure." He runs a hand along the back of his head.

She narrows her eyes. "Do you have any?" She says it slowly, pointedly so he realizes his error.

"Oh, right." He laughs and shakes his head. He moves past her and grabs a bottle from the holder on the counter. "You can get comfortable or whatever." He waves a hand toward the living room. "The movies are all in there." He continues rummaging through the drawer for the wine opener and it occurs to him he hasn't seen it since Serena was last here. What the hell did she do with it? He slams the drawer shut in frustration.

"Something wrong?" Her gentle, curious voice surprises him.

"No. Just Sere—" She looks at him with that bored look again and he tries not to laugh. He spots the opener on the counter behind a jar. "Nevermind. Problem solved." He keeps his eyes on her as he opens the bottle. Her hair covers her face as she looks through his dvd holder. She makes soft sounds as she flips through his collection; most are scoffs, but every now and then there's a pleased little sigh that he barely hears. He likes something about it; likes something about pleasing her. His skin flushes and he turns away quickly to get the glasses out of the cabinet. Those are thoughts he, Dan Humphrey, should not be having about her, Blair Waldorf. He clears his throat and buries the thoughts as he grabs the glasses of wine and makes his way to sit beside her on the sofa.

He's horrified to find he's buried those thoughts in the shallowest of graves as she looks at him with an almost grateful smile as she takes her wine from him. "Thanks, Humphrey." Her eyes shine despite the dim lighting, and her smile….it's genuine. He can count on one hand the number of times he's seen her smile genuinely, nevermind smiling at _him _genuinely. She's undeniably entrancing tonight.

He sits beside her and takes a long gulp of his wine. "So—uh—any contenders yet?"

She sets her glass on the table in front of them and nods her head as she finishes swallowing."Funny you phrased it like that." She looks at him with an arched eyebrow. "'On the Waterfront' is my selection." She carefully slides the disc out from the plastic holder. He actually feels his heart sputter and stop. No one is ever so careful with his dvds—or cds and records—and it drives him crazy. Serena would carelessly slip them out and grab the whole thing to hand it to him as she laughed through a story while Vanessa would drop them or leave them on countertops. "Should you be drinking anymore tonight?" Blair asks amusedly as she holds his dvd out in front of him, her pretty little index finger cautiously through the center of the disc.

He smiles nervously and takes it from her, his fingers gripping the outer edges. "I'm just surprised you chose this one. Literally the first guest to make that selection…." He gets up and puts the dvd in the player. He takes his time walking back to the sofa. He has to get it together. So she's pretty and has had a rough time lately and is being nice to him and has good taste in movies….she's still Blair Waldorf. She just banished his sister from the city, which sounds as ridiculous in his head as it actually is, and she's been cruel to him for years. He was just glad to see a familiar face, even if it was hers. Keep it together, Humphrey.

"As suspected, I'm the smartest person you know." She smiles at him sweetly when he sits back down.

He smirks as he leans back and drinks more of his wine. "I don't know that many people."

She laughs loudly and tucks her legs up on the sofa. "Humphrey, we have to work on your insults." She shakes her head and sips her wine as the movie starts. "You basically insulted yourself." He shrugs apathetically and turns back to the screen. He can feel her eyes are still on him. "We'll hash this out after the movie ends; I can't stand talking through movies." He turns to eye her. "You've been warned."

"I agree with you, Waldorf." He tosses a pillow at her. She squeals and holds her wine out of the way. "So pipe down."

* * *

He's not sure when he fell asleep or when the tiny brunette with the razor sharp tongue resting against him came to be resting against him. He is sure, however, that this is awkward and that when she wakes up she'll somehow find a way to blame this on him even though she clearly made the journey to his side of the couch. It's probably best for his safety to just wake her now. He looks at her again. She can't be comfortable. He should probably offer her the bed. Maybe he should just carry her….Nope. That's a good way to get killed. It's best to wake her now and clear this up. He should relish in disturbing Blair Waldorf, but she looks so peaceful. Even though he hates what she did to Jenny, he understands she's hurt and he gets that. He feels like he's missing some information too. She's been acting strange since Dorota's wedding and he's positive it's related to Chuck Bass as well. He'd never say this to anyone, but she could do so much better if she'd realize it. She's fixated on him for reasons Dan will never understand. He sighs and lets his musings go. It's time.

"Blair." He says her name softly and shakes her shoulder gently. She stirs and scrunches up her face. She whimpers and readjusts against him, drifting off again. "Hey, wake up." He says a little louder and gives her shoulder a light shove.

She wakes up with a groan and moves her eyes to him. "Humphrey." She pouts her lips. "Have I been so cruel to you?"

He rolls his eyes. "You have actually, but that's not why I'm waking you up." She arches an eyebrow with dissatisfaction. "I didn't want you to freak out when you woke up in the morning because you were sleeping with me. Which, by the way, I'd like to point out was probably your doing." He smirks tiredly and she huffs.

"I was delirious from the alcohol and exhaustion." She yawns and sits up. "I haven't slept well in ages." She runs a hand through her hair. He sits up and studies her. There it is again. He's dying to know what has her so troubled. She turns her head and furrows her brow. "Stop looking at me like that." She says menacingly and cuts her eyes away. "Where's my phone?" She murmurs and feels around for it.

"What's going on with you?" He blurts out before he can think better of it.

"Excuse me?" She looks at him again.

"You just seem really sad lately." He bites his lip. "But it's more than sadness and it's been going on before Chuck and—it's been going on for a while…..It's like you're discontent or something."

"As if I'd give you a reason to gloat." She scowls at him.

"I wouldn't—" He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair. "That wasn't why I was asking. I thought you might want to talk about it in more detail. Sometimes that helps." He shrugs.

She keeps her eyes on his for a long moment before she cuts them away quickly. "Do you know where my phone is? I'll call my service." She bites her lip. "Hopefully someone can come get me. What time is it?" She looks at him again.

"Don't—You don't have to do that." He shakes his head. "I was going to offer you my bed earlier. I know it's probably not what you're used to, but it's more comfortable than me and this sofa." He smiles. Her eyes narrow and he notes her suspicion. "I'll stay out here. Obviously."

She clicks her tongue against her teeth. "I know you wouldn't do anything like that, Humphrey." She takes a breath and sits up a little straighter. "I just can't believe I'm experiencing the famous Humphrey chivalry first hand." She smirks. "It's kind of nice."

His eyes widen. "Wow. You really must be sleep deprived." She just stares at him for a moment.

Her smile falters a little. "You really woke me up to make me more comfortable?"

"Yes." He says slowly and darts his eyes around the room before returning them to hers. She purses her lips thoughtfully. Her lips are on his before he even realizes what's happening. He moans in confusion and holds his hands in the air like he's in trouble. This is not his fault. He cannot be blamed for this. He….does not find kissing her as offensive as he should. Shit.

She pulls back nearly as suddenly as she had kissed him and he almost falls forward. She arches an eyebrow. It seems like a challenge. He takes it. His hands move to her hair and her hands move to his shoulders as she leans into him. It—It's not bad. Not at all. He likes it. He likes kissing Blair Waldorf. So far.

Then it occurs to him how _wrong _it is for _them _to be doing _this_. And yet he can't bring himself to really care. He moans against her mouth and kisses her harder. She sucks on his lip and it triggers something deep in his gut. Finally. He grips her hair a little harder and pulls her back. "Blair…." He says quietly, his eyes darting between her lips and her eyes. Her lips are pouty, more so than usual, and her eyes are all want.

"Shut up." She kisses him again.

"This is—" He barely gets those words out before she's taken his face between her hands and is kissing him with more passion than he thinks he's ever been kissed. It's shocking and exhilarating. He tries to match her intensity and has to pause for a breath. Their eyes connect again.

"Just shut up." She murmurs quietly as she closes the distance between their lips again. "Mmmm…." She presses her hips against his and her tongue glides easily, almost carelessly, along his. He feels dizzy and heady, not unlike a Jane Austen heroine dancing with her suitor. It must be the wrongness of it all. It has to be. He's never done anything _this _wrong before. This could have actual fallout. Like people won't talk to him anymore and she could very possibly be disowned by her community. This might actually be more exciting than the threesome…..Blair breaks away from him lazily, but she stays close to him. She shifts above him and the little moan he hears makes his heart skip a beat. She relaxes against him and he feels her hand slide under his shirt. She squeezes his hip gently and lets her hand rest there. He pushes her veil of hair back and inspects her. She seems to be doing the same. She sighs and closes the distance between them. He knew it. He knew underneath all of that force and determination there was softness. She's different now. There's a languid, interested quality to her kisses that he finds undeniably intoxicating. He rests a hand against her cheek and strokes his thumb over her skin. It's like actual porcelain. He settles back against the couch, deciding to enjoy this for what it is and/or isn't. She sinks further against him and he gets lost in kissing her. Her lips leave his and his eyes fly open. He misses the contact until he feels them press along his jaw. She leaves a slow path to his ear. He grips at her dress when she takes his earlobe between her teeth. "You're a better kisser than I expected." Her breath and words tease against his skin.

He can't help the light laugh that rumbles in his chest. "Gee, thanks, Waldorf."

"Humphrey." She rolls her eyes and this is it: this is the moment where her eye rolls turn from trite to endearing. He swallows the lump in his throat that forewarns of disaster. She presses one long kiss to his lips. "The compliment is that I'm still here." She laughs, genuinely laughs, against his lips before she kisses him again. He can't help but smile against her lips. He doesn't remember her laughing at her own digs before. Something about this night and them like this in the dark of the loft has sent all of their walls tumbling down. Maybe it's because this shouldn't be happening; the universe should not be allowing this. They've slipped through the cracks and he's already somehow grateful for it. This is simply about Dan and Blair; two people who have never made any moves to impress the other. It's cathartic to find himself entangled with her like this. She withdraws from him again and sits up. She traces a fingertip over his cheekbone and makes a contemplative sound before she leans down to kiss the spot. Her hair covers his face and he is consumed by all things Blair Waldorf. It's so fucked up how much he already doesn't mind that. She sighs and sits up again. He lets his hands rest on her hips. She arches an eyebrow as her hand finds the zipper on her dress. She unzips it and he sees the slight shake in her movements. Something compels him to finish the task and to slide the thin straps of her dress down her arms. He stops before he reveals too much. His hands fall back to her hips and his eyes stay on hers. "This stays between us." She says threateningly and finishes pulling down the top of her dress.

"Of course." He furrows his brow and nods his head. That's for the best anyway. The two of them doing whatever the hell they're doing, would be like an atomic bomb dropped on both of their lives. Chain reactions and explosions cascade right out of his mind when he sees her take her bottom lip between her teeth. She widens her eyes slightly. He hasn't actually looked at her yet. Why is he acting like such a rube with her of all people? She'll only use his thoughtful hesitation to destroy him someday. He takes her in and, for some reason, he feels like his heart is breaking. She's pretty and delicate. Everything about her is new to him. His eyes move back to hers and he sits up quickly. He kisses her roughly and his hands get lost in her hair. He presses his chest against hers and he can feel her breasts through his t-shirt. It's not enough. He breaks away from her lips and kisses her neck. Her head falls back, giving him more access, which he takes, and she gasps. Her hands grip and tug at his t-shirt.

"Take this off." She starts to pull at it and he ignores her demand. He's busy. She tugs hard on his hair. "Now, Humphrey." He rolls his eyes, slightly annoyed, and takes it off hastily. He tosses it across the room before seeking her lips again. Her hands spread out over his skin, touching everywhere. He pushes her back onto the sofa and tries to finish what he started earlier. He kisses down her neck to her chest, he makes a slight detour to her collarbone because the moonlight is hitting it just so, while he's there he decides it would be foolish not to kiss her shoulder, he takes this new route down her chest over her heart, he notices that its beats are only a couple behind his, until he reaches his destination. He's rewarded with gasps and arches into him as he gives his attention to her breasts. "Ohhhh, that feels really good." She mutters nearly incoherently.

He has no idea what possesses him, because hand to God he has never really done a lot of dirty talk without coaxing, but he moves his lips to her ear and whispers. "How good?" He really wants to know. He kisses the skin below her ear and she runs a hand through his hair.

"Good enough to let you fuck me." She says nonchalantly, almost teasingly. Jesus. She's some kind of film vixen and he can't catch his breath and he's getting more ready by the second. He is officially in too deep; he should stop this, but, instead, he's still kissing her neck. Her skin feels like velvet beneath his lips. He finally takes a deep breath against her skin as he makes up his mind. He's never been this far out of his depth before, not even with Serena. She was intimidating in a completely different way. He feels like he might need some kind of life preserver to get out of this alive. Life preservers are safe and boring and…..familiar though; he wants to be in too deep. Just once.

He pulls back from her slowly and she groans. "I'm clearly more than willing to do this; I just want to be sure that you're not going to regret this in the morning." His eyes dance with hers and he feels like this moment is more than just this moment; it's more than just tonight.

She rolls her eyes. "It is morning." She reaches for him, but he pulls back just in time.

"You know what I mean." She sighs and looks away from him. He swallows hard and licks his lips. He wants this, but not at the expense of adding to her regrets that seem to be consuming her these days. "Things are different in the dark and I know we're not drunk, but we're not really sober either. I just—I don't want you to feel pressured or—or to regret this." She moves her eyes back to his slowly and he feels judged. Again. "And—And it's not because I'm trying to turn this into some grand, romantic event, but that doesn't mean I want you to feel bad about it."

"Humphrey." She says softly before she tugs his face closer to hers and places a kiss that's equally as soft to his lips. "I'll only feel bad about it if you suck." She smirks. "So don't suck."

"No pressure." He rolls his eyes.

"Oh, God." She groans and kisses him forcefully. "We were onto something and now you're going to ruin it with talking." She kisses him again and it's working. She's alarmingly easy to get wrapped up in. She moans into his mouth and her legs wrap around him, drawing him closer to her. It's not long and he's ready. He shifts against her and trails a hand up her thigh. He presses his thumb against her underwear and she whimpers. His breathing falters and she breaks away. They're still close and their eyes dance. "I'm ready too." She whispers.

He swallows hard and nods. "The condoms are in my room." He kisses her once before he gets up. All he can think of on his torturous walk away from her warm, wet, soft body is that this must be a dream. In reality, _one_ of them would have the sense to stop this. They just would. It's not real. It's not. He notices his shaking hand as he opens the drawer to his night stand and he scolds himself mentally. There's no need to be such a child about this, real or not.

"Humphrey." Her voice startles him and he turns to see her, the moonlight providing her a subtle spotlight, still half undressed, in his doorway. Fuck it. Whatever this is, he wants her, whatever that means.

"Waldorf." He returns as he makes his way to her purposefully. He exhales with what he's afraid might be relief when their lips connect again, bodies already tangling together again as she guides them toward the bed and he slides her dress off completely.

* * *

A roll of loud thunder startles him awake. He looks out the window and registers that he's not alone in his tangled sheets. He didn't forget about last night, about the girl who helped him create the mess he's lying in; he just thought she'd be long gone. He turns his head slowly and sees that she's sitting up in bed, dress back on, lost in one of the books from his shelves. He knows he should say something, but his mouth is dry….and he has no idea what to say.

"I'm only still here because of the weather." She tells him distractedly as she turns a page. A bolt of lightning strikes as if to emphasize her point. Of course.

"Yep." He rolls his eyes and exhales loudly. "Well, frankly, I'm relieved we didn't ruin our lovely dynamic." He mutters as he gets out of bed and slips on a pair of boxers. He swears he sees a hint of a smirk on her face when he turns to look at her on his way to the bathroom.

"I will be expecting food, Humphrey!" She calls out after he closes the door. He does an impression of her bossy face in the mirror and is horrified to see a smile forming on his own face. Nothing has changed and, yet, everything has changed.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello! Thank you all for the reviews, faves, and follows! You're too kind and much appreciated! I apologize for the long wait, but I hope you all enjoy this chapter. There are text messages in this and those are in the asterisks. Blair's are bolded and Dan's are italicized just so it's clear who is texting who. I think the time frame for chapters 1&amp;2 is about 1-2 weeks in case anyone is wondering about that. That's about it from me for now. I'll be back soon! :)**

A soft, insistent knock on his door sounds out into the loft. He stops stirring the sauce and wipes his hands on the dishtowel before he tosses it aside. He checks the time on his phone. 7:45. She's early. He does know that she's a stickler for punctuality. The knock comes more insistently this time. He goes to open the door before he starts to get annoyed. He can't believe his eyes when he throws the door open. "Blair?" He grips the door harder. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, Humphrey, let's think." She smirks and pushes him aside so she can come in. He closes the door and follows her. "What did we do the last time I was here?" She furrows her brow and very gently sets her bag on the counter.

"Uh, we—uh—we—" Is she—Does she want—Are they going to—Again?

She rolls her eyes. "Let me help you before you hurt yourself or, worse, I change my mind." She moves to him and grabs his face. She eyes him for a brief moment and then her lips are on his and he forgets about everything except kissing her. It's so…insistent. She is so insistent. He'd thought about her a lot for the first two days after their night and subsequent morning together. When he didn't hear anything from her during those two days, he decided to try letting it go. He was mostly successful, but her lips and her eyes and her skin and the way she moved would come crashing into his head at the most inopportune times. She makes a soft little sound and pulls him closer. He pushes her back against the counter and responds in kind to her advances. The kitchen timer goes off and he jumps away from her. He had someone coming over tonight. Shit. She's probably almost here. But Blair's here. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth as he decides what he should do, what he wants to do…..There's that sinking feeling in his stomach when he realizes those are two very different things. "Oh, God." She tosses her head back dramatically. "Now what's wrong?"

He widens his eyes. "N—Nothing. Uh, I have to go to the bathroom." He ignores her confused expression and lets his hand drop from her waist. He moves into the kitchen to turn off the timer and grab his phone. "I'll be right back. There's wine on the counter." He tells her before he locks himself away in the bathroom. Fuck. He unlocks his phone and sends Amelia a text saying he has to cancel. He doesn't give her a reason and he feels like a dick, but he's clearly gotten what he wanted and is in over his head with Blair so it's best to let Amelia go. It's dumb and he knows it. He and Blair haven't spoken since she left his place that afternoon and he _knows_ nothing good will ever come of this, but here he is in his bathroom canceling a date with a perfectly nice girl, who is probably not hung up on a sociopath, just so he can have sex with Blair Waldorf, who is not really all that nice and is definitely hung up on a sociopath. And that whole sociopath thing is really just one of her problems. Maybe that's why he's making this choice though. Nothing can or will ever come of them. Not in this lifetime, anyway. His phone dings loudly with Amelia's response. "Shit, shit, shit." He whispers and fumbles his phone to try to turn down the volume because apparently Amelia does not take kindly to being blown off 10 minutes before a date and has sent him several texts. He hopes Blair didn't hear that. She can't know he's choosing her over someone else. He takes a second to collect himself and shove his phone in his pocket before he goes back out.

Blair's perched on a barstool, facing him, legs crossed, wine glass elegantly in her hand like she's 35 instead of 19. "Care to tell the girl you're about to have sex with about the girl you're not going to be having sex with?" She arches an eyebrow.

"I….What?" He scratches the back of his head and furrows his brow as he goes back into the kitchen. So they're definitely having sex again. He feels a rush of adrenaline push through his veins.

"Humphrey, I know you don't think I'm stupid." He cuts his eyes to her and pours a glass of wine. He takes a sip, a long sip. She sighs. "You're cooking, you have a bottle of wine open, two glasses, and you were trying to hide the fact that you were texting by doing so in your bathroom. I have more than enough evidence to convict you." She bats her eyes and smiles sweetly before taking a sip of her own wine.

"It was my dad." He says quickly.

She chokes on her wine and puts her hand over her mouth so she doesn't spit it out. She looks at him incredulously once she's recovered. "Do you and Rufus always have such romantic evenings together?"

"It's not that romantic." He mutters. Why? Why can't she just be like anyother decent human being and let him use his bullshit excuse to save a little face? Because she's Blair Waldorf and she gets off on this kind of thing, especially when it comes to him. She's infuriatingly aware of weakness and vulnerability.

She purses her lips and studies him. "Ok."

His eyes widen and dart around the room. "Ok?" He can't believe she's just going to drop it.

"Ok." She shrugs and he drinks more wine. "I'm only here to have sex." This time he chokes on his wine. "Whatever else goes on here is not my business, as long as you're safe." She says warningly.

He rolls his eyes. "I'm not sleeping with anyone….else." Her eyes lock on his and it makes him nervous. She narrows them almost imperceptibly as she traces a finger over her wine glass. "And we were safe both times anyway." He adds absently.

"I'm not….I haven't slept with anyone else since…." He furrows his brow and studies her closely. Why are they telling each other these things? "I—just—you know….so you know. For safety and what not." She takes a deep breath and finally stops looking at him. She sits up straighter and finishes her wine. He takes the opportunity to go back to his food. What the fuck is going on? "What are you cooking?" She's right beside him now and it makes him jump.

"Baked ziti. Nothing fancy." He says on a sigh. "Or romantic." He smiles at her and she smirks back at him. Her eyes take his breath away for a moment. He looks back at the food and clears his throat.

"So it can wait?" She asks quietly and her hand covers his. He looks at their hands before he looks back at her.

He turns everything off and turns to face her. "Yeah." He says softly and kisses her.

It's the way that she sighs as she tugs herself closer to him…..He wraps an arm around her and cups her cheek. He could get lost in her; he _is_ getting lost in her. She breaks away from him and rests her head against his as she catches her breath. When she pulls away and looks up at him she looks like she's annoyed. "What?" He can't help but roll his eyes at her annoyance over whatever arbitrary line he's crossed. Her only response is a glare and a kiss that's much rougher than its predecessor.

* * *

He's quickly learning that sex with Blair Waldorf is a battle of wits and tenacity. He likes it. He even kind of likes the battle part he thinks to himself as he studies a long scratch on his forearm.

His head snaps up from his inspection when he hears her start to speak. "Do you like the girl you canceled on tonight?" She asks from the other side of the sofa and pulls the blanket closer.

He chuckles. "You are relentless." He says as he stretches and settles comfortably onto his side of the sofa. There's not much room and they're practically on top of each other. It's cozy. He shakes his head to get rid of that disturbing thought. He's constantly having to check himself with her.

"Is this new information for you?" She furrows her brow. "Stop deflecting and answer the question."

"Apparently not too much." He runs a hand through his hair. "Why do you care anyway?" He looks at her with narrowed eyes.

"I don't." She says quickly, defensively. "I'm making conversation." She looks around the room before she looks back at him. "Anyone I know?"

"No." He furrows his brow and shakes his head.

She nods thoughtfully. "What's she like?"

"Blair, seriously?" He tilts his head to the side.

She runs a nonchalant finger over the back of the sofa and follows the movement with her eyes. "I'm just curious about your tastes these days." She says patronizingly. "You've had quite a variety of love interests, you know." She arches an eyebrow when she looks back at him.

He shrugs a shoulder. "And you haven't?" Nate and Chuck may be close friends, but they couldn't be any less alike.

"Mine have all had one very important thing in common, Humphrey." She smirks.

"Dare I ask?" He eyes her hesitantly.

"Status." She says with a confident nod of her head.

He snorts. "Uh, I hate to break it to you, sister, but if status is your type then you're in the wrong place."

"Humphrey!" She yells as she scrunches up her face in horror. "This is not about type." She says hurriedly and gestures wildly between them. "This is about…..this is about ignoring your type and—and ambitions and only having meaningless, but satisfying, sex with a decent human being who has no power to hurt you and probably wouldn't anyway because he's decent." His mouth falls open slightly and she widens her eyes. Apparently neither one of them were expecting all of that. She takes a deep breath and eyes him cautiously. "And that's all."

He nods his head carefully lest he set her off again. "I know." She's not his type either. "And agree." He adds quickly. She's not his type? Why isn't she? She's ambitious, highly intelligent, witty, beautiful, sexy. Well, sure, she's ambitious and highly intelligent, but she has horrible judgment. No one with a fully developed frontal cortex would be as hung up on Chuck Bass as she is. Not that poor judgment has ever really been a deterrent for him before….And the witty thing….most of her jokes are at his expense and are just kind of mean. They're still funny though. Then there's the whole ice queen thing. She is right about the satisfying sex—His jaw drops a little and his breath catches. "Did you—You think the sex is satisfying?" He's pointing his finger at her accusingly.

She blushes. Blair Waldorf actually blushes. Her cheeks turn the prettiest shade of pink and his heart skips a beat….like when she comes. He's going to ignore all of those facts. She flips her hair back confidently and purses her lips. "Well, obviously, I wouldn't be here letting you fuck me again if it wasn't good, Humphrey." She flicks her hand in the air.

"Yeah, but—" He stops talking when she carefully moves the blanket aside and makes the short journey to his side of the sofa. Good. Now she said it was good. He breaks away from her lips. "Good, Waldorf?" She gives him a confused look before her cheeks color again. He can't help but smile a little as he takes her in. His hands roam over her back and press her closer to him. "You're getting downright effusive."

She's amused despite herself and it does something funny to his stomach. He registers, and dismisses, his relief that she seems to be enjoying herself with him instead of letting herself stew about whatever the hell it is she's using as an excuse these days. "You're getting too comfortable with me." She says softly. Her hand smooths up his neck and into his hair where she tightens her fingers and jerks his head back. He laughs when she cracks a smile just before she kisses him. He's also going to ignore that this kiss feels insistent in a different way.

* * *

They're a sweaty, tangled mess when they finish. She runs her hand through his hair and looks in his eyes for a long moment. He swallows hard when he finds that he can't look away. She kisses him full on the lips and suddenly jumps up from his lap. He leans forward to try to reach for her in protest, but realizes what he's doing and stops himself. Sex, only sex. She grabs the blanket off the sofa and he watches intently as she wraps it around herself. He eventually notices her eyes on him. He flushes and runs a hand through his hair. "So, will you be requiring food this time?" She smirks as she turns away from him and begins picking up her clothes.

"No." She stops and eyes him before she goes into the bathroom. "I got what I came for."

* * *

He's embarrassed to admit that he only knows she's still in town because of Gossip Girl, which he's even more embarrassed to admit he only checked because he's curious. There's a picture of her in a short, summery dress coming out of what looks like a lingerie store. He acts before he even realizes that he's acting out of—misguided—jealousy. He reaches for his phone and scrolls to her name.

*_I'm glad you and Chuck have worked things out._*

"Fuck." He sets his phone down and scrubs his hands down his face, leaving them on his jaw as he considers what he just did. "Why the fuck did I do that?" He looks around with wide eyes. He grabs his phone again. He looks through their brief, very brief, text history and wants to die. They've never texted about anything other than school and Serena's, and occasionally Nate's, whereabouts and now here he is sending her smiley faces. Smiley faces. He groans just as his phone alerts him to a new message.

***Humphrey, what are you going on about?***

Fuck. Now he's really fucked. How the hell is he going to explain any of this?

_*I heard through the grapevine that you two were back together. Just wanted to say 'congratulations'. Relax, Waldorf.*_

Just play it cool, Dan.

He hurriedly sends her another text as a thought occurs to him.

_*Not that I endorse you getting back together with him. I should really be saying 'good luck'.*_

Shit.

_*Not that I wouldn't be ok with you dating people or whatever. Because I would be. I mean we're just having sex. Which, of course, you know. So, date away.*_

_*Just….You could do better than Chuck. That's all.*_

_*And not that I think I'm better than Chuck. Well, I am, but I mean for you. Just, in general, in life, you could do better.*_

What in the actual fuck is wrong with him?

***My God, you even ramble nonsensically in text messages. It's truly a feat. Hold your fingers, I have a few points to address; give me a moment.***

He rolls his eyes and sets his phone down on his desk. He can't believe he just did that. Any of that.

***Point 1: I'm assuming your source is Gossip Girl and you should really a. be embarrassed and b. know better than to believe everything you read or see on that site. Not finished, do not text until I'm finished. The less I'm subjected to your babbling the better.***

He tosses his phone aside again and crosses his arms as he waits.

***Point 2: If I were inclined to get back together with Chuck, which I'm not—not that that is any of your business—I would not need or want your endorsement. As you very astutely pointed out, we're only having sex, so I will date away when I'm ready and with the lucky young man of my choosing. You should date away as well. Call that charmingly dirty NYU co-ed you ditched for me the other night; I'm sure she's still available. Still not finished.***

'Charmingly dirty' is actually an accurate description of Amelia. Is he that predictable or is she spying on him now? Probably the former.

***Point 3: If this was your not so subtle way of fishing for details about my love life to assess your chances of getting laid before I go back to Paris then….Frankly, I'm embarrassed that I ever let any of this happen in the first place. Put the phone down.***

He does put the phone down.

***Point 4: There are a myriad of reasons a woman might be in a lingerie store—yes, I'm convinved you saw that picture on Gossip Girl, don't bother insulting my intelligence and denying it—it is not always to buy something to please a man. I'd expect more from someone who claims to respect women as much as you do. Only two more points.***

_*This is turning into more than a few.*_

***Humphrey! If you interrupt me, it takes longer.***

He waits for what seems like an eternity for her next point. Why, he has no idea.

***Point 5: This point is a concession. I know, appreciate this moment. I may have been in that store for myself and for someone else…..I'll let you do the heavy lifting on that one, Humphrey. Last one…***

Oh. That's why. His eyes widen and he rises to his feet. He moves quickly into his room to change and try to do something with his hair that's becoming kind of unruly as it gets longer. He stops mid-primp. This is Blair, his fuck…..His fuck buddy? That implies that they're friends and they are definitely not friends. No way. Who cares? The point is, he doesn't have to impress her. He nods to himself and starts to leave his room. He doesn't make it to the door before he's back in front of the mirror trying to smooth down his hair.

He grabs his phone from the counter and reads her last text quickly on his way out the door.

***Point 6: A smiley face, Humphrey? Really?***

He snorts to himself and rolls his eyes. She never lets him get away with anything. He shakes his head and smiles as he shoves his phone in his pocket.

* * *

He's anxious and wired when he finally steps off of the elevator and into her penthouse. He looks around and hopes no one else is here. They're consenting adults, he reminds himself. They can do whatever they want. He turns toward the stairs in time to see her casually making her way down them.

She smiles when her eyes connect with his. "I see point 5 made an impact, Humphrey."

He narrows his eyes and quirks his mouth to the side as he makes his way closer to the staircase. "I think 'satisfying' and 'good' made the bigger impact, Waldorf." She glares at him, but takes his outstretched hand as she steps off of the last stair and stands in front of him. He finds himself running his thumb over her skin and drops her hand quickly like it's on fire. He clears his throat. "So…."

She furrows her brow. "Oh God." She groans and pulls him to her for a kiss. "Do you have to be such a rube every time?" She glares at him when she pauses for air.

He rolls his eyes and yanks his t-shirt over his head as her hands move to his belt. Thank God he finds her attitude repellent otherwise….otherwise there could be a problem for him. He swallows hard and focuses on her lips. "Do you have to be a brat every time?" He leans down and kisses her hard, effectively silencing her retort. She moans and falls into the railing of the staircase. She clumsily moves to the stairs and he follows with his hands on her waist. She wraps an arm around his neck and starts to lower herself onto the stairs. He breaks away and eyes her. She smiles and raises a challenging eyebrow. The stairs it is then.

He can't catch his breath as he lies beside her on the staircase. It doesn't sound like she can either. He didn't even get to take off all of her lingerie before he just couldn't wait anymore. He rolls onto his side carefully and runs a finger down her bra strap. She cuts her eyes to him and smirks. "This is for me?"

She rests a hand against the back of his neck and lowers his head so she can kiss him. "It was before your breakdown via text." He laughs and kisses her again. She's not wrong. "You were behaving so well and….almost cool, Humphrey. It was like you really understood the whole no strings attached thing." He frowns and she laughs. "Don't look so sad. Worst case scenario, you fooled Blair Waldorf." He rolls his eyes.

"I honestly wasn't trying to do anything other than be nice, Waldorf." He lies. He was jealous and he knows it, but it's purely biological. He had been sleeping with her and it seemed like she was probably going to be sleeping with someone else. He is more than his biological impulses though and so it's not a big deal. "I thought, you know, since—" His eyes scan her half naked body beside his completely naked body on her staircase in the foyer. "Well, since this is now a world where we've seen each other naked and have had sex, it might also be a world where we might be civil." She scrunches up her nose and he has to stop himself from kissing her again. "Sometimes." He smiles weakly and lies beside her again.

"I don't like the sound of civil." He turns to see her staring at him. She licks her lips. "It's only sex. There's no need to make it anything more or less." She sits up and shrugs. He sits up beside her and grabs his boxers from the stair below him.

He stands up and puts them on. "Are you still covering this subject for me or for yourself?" He grabs her underwear from the railing and hands it to her. She glares at him as she yanks them from his hand. "Because, trust me, I get it." He moves his hand between them. "Sex only. Carnal desires." He puts his hands on his hips and nods.

"Carnal desires?" She groans and he cringes internally. He did say that, didn't he? "What kind of bargain romance novel did you read that in?" She eyes him and pushes him aside as she makes her way down the last few stairs. "There's no one here to cook for me, Humphrey." She tugs on his hand and forces him down the rest of the stairs.

"Blair—" His mouth falls open. "This is only sex. I—I'm not cooking for you."

"Humphrey, I bought lingerie for you. The only real rule for this whole simply fucking thing is no feelings." She continues pulling him toward the kitchen and, well, he's not really putting up much of a fight. "Besides, I'm leaving town tomorrow night so I thought we might do a crash, rest of summer session." She trails a finger over his collarbone before she kisses him there. Fuck. "If you have other plans with dirty hippies then by all means….." She gestures behind him to the elevator. He looks over his shoulder at his escape. He bites his lip. He doesn't want to escape. Because of the sex. Today is their last opportunity for sex with each other for a while, maybe forever. His stomach clenches, but before he can worry about that Blair is snapping her fingers to get his attention. She looks up at him expectantly.

"Fine." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "This is only because I care about people who for some unknown reason care about you and might be sad if you starved." She rolls her eyes and with a final tug, brings him into the kitchen…..where cooking becomes less of a priority than other things.

* * *

It's been dark for a few hours. By the time they finished having sex in the kitchen, then sanitizing and cooking, then eating, then showering and having sex in the shower, the day had pretty much passed. He's sprawled on his stomach on her bed reading a magazine when she gingerly places a DVD holder in front of him. "I thought since you prepared such a nice meal and worked so hard at….other things—" She smiles mischievously and he smiles to himself as he ducks his head down. She clears her throat and he looks up to see her fidgeting with her fingers. "I thought I'd let you pick a movie and watch it with me." She smiles almost pleasantly.

"How very magnanimous of you, Waldorf." He says cautiously as he sits up and starts flipping through her DVDs.

"You earned it." She says patronizingly and pats him on the head before she disappears back into the bathroom. He rolls his eyes and takes "Roman Holiday" out of its holder. Only because he hasn't seen it in a while; it has nothing to do with her love of Audrey Hepburn and wanting to make her happy. Nothing at all.

* * *

She huffs and lets her hand drop against the bed. "I can't see well."

He sighs. "You're the one who sat in Siberia, Waldorf."

"Humphrey, we can't cuddle and watch movies." She says plainly.

He furrows his brow and stares at her. "I didn't say anything about cuddling."

"Well, I know how you sappy types are." She narrows her eyes.

"No, you don't." He snorts. He highly doubts Chuck and Nate and the other guys she's dated have been all that sappy. "And I'm not sappy; I'm romantic." He adds as an afterthought.

She swats him with a pillow. "Don't tell me what I know and don't talk to me about romance." She grumbles and slides closer to him. He watches her and she huffs. "This is my favorite part."

"I'm sure." He rolls his eyes.

"I knew you'd pick a movie you knew I'd like." He turns his head to glare at her. "Why do you think I let you choose?" She tilts her head and smirks at him. "I know saps."

"I happen to like this movie. It has nothing to do with you." He practically sputters.

She rolls her eyes exaggeratedly to mock him. "I'm sure." She mimics.

He purses his lips. "This is your favorite part." He turns back to the movie. "And you supposedly hate talking during movies."

"The caveat to that is if it's me talking to prove I'm right." He arches an eyebrow and crosses his arms as he studies the screen. She sighs and he doesn't miss her sliding even closer to him. She is so infuriating. He turns to her suddenly and kisses her. She gasps into his mouth and shoves her laptop aside as she moves to his lap. The movie was almost over anyway.

* * *

He wakes with a start. He's hot and uncomfortable…. He looks around in confusion in the dark….who turned the lights off? His tired mind finally registers that there's a person sleeping on him, a naked Blair Waldorf person, more specifically. He sighs with slight annoyance and lays his head back on her pillow and looks up at the ceiling. She must have turned her lamp off at some point…..and gone to sleep on top of him. More things to ignore he thinks absently and rests an arm over her back as he tries to somehow get more comfortable. Then it finally occurs to him: This is just sex and she explicitly said no cuddling yet here she is right on top of him. They shouldn't be sleeping together like this all tangled up and close. "Waldorf." He says with a scratchy voice and tries to adjust her so he can sit up.

"Humphrey." She says with whiney authority. "Shut up and sleep." She raises her head and he doesn't have to see her face well to know she's glaring at him.

"But—" He starts and she cuts him off.

"It's just sleep." She says quietly, decisively. His eyes are beginning to adjust better and he takes in her disheveled hair and heavy eyes. He purses his lips and lays back down. She gives a heavy sigh and rests her head on his chest again. He's starting to realize that when Blair said there were no rules other than no emotions she really meant she'd be making the rules as she went. He rolls his eyes in the dark and tries to go back to sleep. He doesn't need this, he thinks as he settles into her probably way too expensive sheets and wraps his arms around her in an effort to get more comfortable. She sighs again and he swallows hard. It's good that she's leaving tomorrow he thinks as his eyes drift closed because he definitely doesn't need this.

* * *

He wakes up feeling like someone is staring at him and no longer sleeping on top of him. He opens his eyes to see the sun is just starting to peek through the clouds. He lifts his head slightly and looks over to see Blair lying on her side, nestled in her sheets with a pillow under her head, watching him. "Good morning." She whispers.

"Morning." He returns with a faint smile before he turns his head to look up at the ceiling.

"Do you regret this?" She asks quietly and he jerks his head to look at her.

"No." He says slowly. "Fuck, Blair, do you?" He rises to his elbows and studies her.

"No." She shakes her head. "You haven't sucked yet, Humphrey." She says in a half-hearted attempt at humor.

"Yet." He repeats and she shrugs a shoulder. He relaxes a little and lies back down. He turns on his side to face her and scoots closer to her. "Why'd you ask me that?" He asks softly and looks her over.

"I know what you think of me." She says and raises her dark eyes to his. "I was wondering if the shame had set in yet."

His eyes widen. "I don't—I'm not ashamed of sleeping with you or being— or spending time with you." He says carefully. "I told you before that I don't think you're terrible. We may not be compatible, but I think you should be happy and that you can do better than Chuck." She rolls her eyes. "I'm serious, Blair." He runs a hesitant hand through her hair and plays with the ends of her hair. She glances at his hand and he lets it drop; that might have been a little too affectionate for them. "Since when do you care what I think or feel anyway?" He nudges her calf with his foot.

She darts her eyes away. "I don't think you're terrible either, Humphrey." She places her hand over his. "I wouldn't want you to feel this way."

He narrows his eyes. "'This way?'"

She frowns. "I've done things I regret." He sees her eyes start to cloud with tears and he freezes. He's seen her upset before and he thinks he's seen her cry before, but it's different now. It's more intimate. "God, I'm sorry." She wipes at her tears quickly and sits up. She's about to get out of the bed and he reaches for her quickly. She looks at him. "Humphrey." She shakes her head. "You don't have to try to make me feel better. That's not what this is."

He fights the urge to roll his eyes. He's losing track of what this is and isn't. "You're not your mistakes or your regrets." He says quietly. Her bottom lip trembles and she looks down. "You're right, you know." She looks at him and furrows her brow. "I don't have to make you feel better. I'm saying this because it's true. I don't know what's going on, but I know you're more than your past." He concludes with a shrug of his shoulder. She nods and wipes her tears away again. He clutches her sheet to stop his hand from reaching up to do it for her. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks when she's calmed down.

"Not right now." She goes to slide out of the bed, but he stops her again. She eyes him curiously and he only hesitates for a second before he gently cups her cheek. He lets his thumb glide over skin and he can still feel the moisture from her tears. He kisses her other cheek before he kisses her lips. He eases her back onto the bed. It's the first, and probably last, time he really feels like she's giving into him completely; her hands smooth through his hair and over his skin with tenderness instead of her usual demanding and rough movements. He realizes it's the first time he's giving into her too as he kisses her more deeply than he has in their previous encounters and lets his hands linger more than they have before. He pushes aside what he thinks it might be and focuses on her.

He stays in her for longer than he usually does afterwards. He settles against her and buries his face in her neck as he tries in vain to steady his breathing and her fingers play with his hair. She smells amazing. He can't get enough and places a soft kiss against her neck as he breathes her in. He feels the quick rise and fall of her chest beneath him and it somehow calms him to know she's just as unsteady as he is. He lifts his head and he catches her eye before he kisses her gently. "Are you ok?" He asks and lets his hands get lost in her hair that's splayed across her pillow.

She smiles and laughs lightly. "Yeah." She kisses him again. She cups his face and studies him before she kisses him again. "You should probably go." Her thumbs stroke his cheeks and her eyes search his. He doesn't know what's happening and he hates to admit this, but the last thing he wants is to leave. He looks away and nods his head though. Not for the first time, he accepts that this is Blair's game. He eases out of her and she makes a soft sound when he does. She pulls him to her for another kiss. "I just don't want us to get caught." She says quietly. "Gossip Girl is on to me now." He furrows his brow and nods his head. "It'd be awful if everyone found out." She traces her fingers over his chest and avoids his eyes. "For one thing, they'd overreact and—and well, we wouldn't be able to do this again." Her eyes finally land on his again. He feels his heart beat faster and his stomach flutters. "We're shockingly good at this—at sex. It'd be a shame to let that go to waste." Her lips form into a slow smirk.

He buries his transgressive feelings that were just starting to form. "For once, we agree, Waldorf." He smiles down at her, but he wouldn't be surprised if this is the last time. She's going to a different continent and they're not really anything other than two people who don't get along in most situations and have too many friends in common and have now made it all more complicated by having sex. They might just want to forget about this by the time the fall rolls around. He also buries the sadness that he feels at that thought.

* * *

She follows him down the stairs and places her DVD case in his hands when they reach the elevator. He furrows his brow. "Payment?" He teases and her mouth falls open and her skin goes pale.

"N—No." She purses her lips and ties the sash on her robe a little tighter.

He shifts the case to one hand and lightly nudges her shoulder with his hand. "That's a joke, Blair."

"Hilarious, Humphrey." She grumbles. She's sensitive about the most bizarre things. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. This is probably the last time anyway. Despite what she said earlier, he just doesn't foresee this happening anymore. She's going to Paris and she'll move on or go back to Chuck. As for him, well, who knows. "That's our insurance plan." She gestures to her DVDs. "And plausible deniability." He arches an eyebrow in question. "We've been sloppy and someone has probably seen us so, if someone asks, we've been watching and discussing movies in preparation for a seminar on September 15th at 4pm. It's extra credit—or something."

Incredible. How does she come up with this stuff? "That is impressive—and creepy." He nods his head for emphasis.

She smiles. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He returns and extends his hand for her to shake. She eyes him skeptically and places her hand in his. "It's been nice not being friends with you." He smirks.

She grins and bites her lips. "Let's not do it again sometime." She arches an eyebrow and tightens her hold on him before she lets his hand go. He laughs and turns to press the elevator button. He takes in her glowing complexion, bright eyes, and messy hair. She looks almost happy and it makes something in his chest tighten to think he may have had some part in that. He smiles at her one last time before he steps into her elevator and starts the long, slow ride down.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello! Thank you all for your support and feedback! I appreciate it. This chapter is in Blair's perspective. I hope you all enjoy the chapter! Be back soon. **

Blair very nearly falls over when she sees Dan standing in the middle of the party; sipping champagne and laughing with Serena like it's nothing. Like he didn't have to make a decision, book a ticket, get in a cab, go to the airport, check in, go through security, wait for his flight to be called, board the airplane, fly across an ocean, land in Paris, and somehow be brought to this party where he is now standing and talking to Serena like he hasn't fucked her best friend. All decisions he made while also deciding not to call her and give her a warning. Her fingers tighten around the stem of her champagne flute. She finishes her champagne before she sets the glass on a table. She looks down at her dress and smooths the skirt, she checks her hair, she stops primping because there is no need to primp. She marches over to them and stands casually beside Dan, as if she doesn't even know he's there.

"S, I think it might be time for us to go to the next party." Blair comments breezily. "This one is starting to feel a bit…..stale."

Dan clears his throat. "Nice to see you too, Blair." He says sardonically.

She turns her head to him slowly and bats her eyes. "I had no idea you were here, Humphrey." She smiles tersely. "How would I?"

"Uh, well, for one thing, you're practically standing on top of me." His eyes scan her body and she feels their proximity coursing through her veins.

"Again, I didn't know you were here." She mutters and turns back to Serena. "Ready to go?" She grabs Serena's hand.

"Oh, Blair." Serena laughs and pulls back. "Dan just got here. I'm sure he's not in the mood for party hopping after his flight."

Blair arches an eyebrow. "That's perfect then because I had no intention of dragging this Brooklyn bargain, which is truly saying something, around with us." She cuts her eyes to him. "No offense."

"None taken." Dan shrugs and takes a sip of his drink. She purses her lips and narrows her eyes while he smirks at her. He's taking control of this situation and it's pissing her off.

"Blair, what has gotten into you?" Serena asks in amusement. "You've been so peaceful and almost pleasant since you came back." Blair feels herself flush and hears Dan choke on his drink. Serena shakes her head. "I guess it was nice while it lasted."

"Whatever—" Blair starts defensively until Dan interrupts her.

"Actually, I'd like to hear more about this peaceful and pleasant Blair." Dan makes a face that conveys his shock and interest all at the same time. "She sounds lovely."

Blair rolls her eyes. "It's Paris. It brings out the softer side of me." She pouts and looks at Dan as he nods his head congenially. It makes her uncomfortable.

"No, because before you went back home to see Dorota, you were pretty down most of the time." Serena says thoughtfully. "You even said—"

"Serena!" Blair interrupts in frustration. "Forget it." She snatches Dan's drink from his hand and gulps it down. "I'll just have to suffer here." She snarls at Dan one last time before she walks away.

She manages to dodge him for a whole hour before he rests his elbows against the bar right next to her. "If I'd known my presence would be so distressing for you I wouldn't have come."

"You have nothing to do with my emotions." She takes a sip of her champagne before she looks at him. "Don't flatter yourself."

"Ok." He says with a nonchalance that only rattles her more. "Whiskey." He says to the bartender who's standing in front of them expectantly. "You want anything?" He asks Blair.

"No. I can get my own drinks." She snaps.

"Noted." He says on a light laugh. She watches as he struggles to pay between the price being told to him in French and being uncertain of French currency.

"Good Lord." Blair huffs and takes Dan's money from his hands to help him. She hands the bartender a bill to cover the cost and a tip, an admittedly very generous tip, before she shoves Dan's money back at him.

"Thank you." He smiles at her. "That was almost pleasant." He gives her a conspiratorial glance.

"Yeah, well, it won't happen again." She goes to hop off her barstool, but Dan's hand lands on her arm. It's not like electricity. It's more like warmth and comfort. She moves her eyes to his slowly.

"It's good to see you, Blair." He says softly, almost hesitantly. Fuck.

She watches as he uses his free hand to take a sip of his drink while his thumb smooths over her skin. She'd never tell anyone that she somehow finds herself getting lost in Dan Humphrey and his endearing genuineness every time she's near him now. She certainly wouldn't tell anyone that she's missed him. "Follow me." She says softly, almost hesitantly. He nods his head and lets his hand drop from her arm. She starts moving and turns her head to see if he's following. His eyes are following her. He finishes his drink before he starts moving behind her.

She leads him to a bathroom on the second floor. He kisses her before she shuts the door all the way. "Patience, Humphrey." She admonishes with a frown.

He pulls his face away from hers. "Excuse me, Waldorf." He takes a step back from her and puts his hands in his pockets. Well, she hadn't meant for that to happen.

She rolls her eyes and grabs his shirt to drag him to her. "You are such a drama queen."

He scoffs loudly. "That is hilarious considering the source."

"I was just trying to remind you to be a little more careful." She starts pushing him with her body toward the wall. "Anybody could have seen you kissing me."

"There's no one up here but us." He says incredulously. "How careful do I need to be?"

"More careful than you would be with a signed Simon &amp; Garfunkel record, Humphrey. Or whatever your kind is trying to make relevant these days." He gives her a bored look. "I am just trying to ensure that this potential life ruining mistake does not get out. _I _am looking out for both of us."

"You know, I just got here." His voice gets a little louder, like he's annoyed and she can't deny that it turns her on. "Could you at least let me get over the jet lag before you start with this routine?" She pushes him into the wall, hard. He narrows his eyes. "That hurt, Blair."

"Oops." She says flatly. "I don't care if you just got here or why you're even here, for that matter, you are not going to out us—_me_ with your reckless behavior." She finishes sharply and leans in to kiss him but he moves his head away.

He narrows his eyes and she widens hers in annoyance. "You want to know why I'm here?" It sounds like an accusation more than a question.

"No." She says easily and tries to kiss him again. He moves his head again. She makes a frustrated sound. "You have one more of those and you will have flown across an ocean to _not_ get fucked."

He laughs and shrugs. "That's fine." Her mouth falls open a little. "I didn't fly across an ocean to get or _not_ get fucked."

"Great!" She balls her hands into fists, twisting his shirt and amusing him. She's going to snap. "I don't care why you're here." She takes a deep breath. "As we've established."

"Hmmm, I think we've established the exact opposite." His eyes dance with hers.

She knows he's messing with her and yet she can't stop herself. It's like she wants him to mess with her. Oh, God. What does that mean? "What on earth gives you the impression that I care about your silly life decisions?" She asks with a furrowed brow.

"Your little side comment about not caring about why I'm here when we weren't even talking about that." He finally touches her again and rests his hands on her waist. She feels herself relax slightly.

"That is so stupid, even for you." She shakes her head. "I can't believe that's your proof."

"There's also the attitude you've been giving me all night." He squeezes her waist. "You're pissed about something."

She laughs loudly. "What? Attitude is my default and you know that."

He rolls his eyes. "If you can't be honest about even this then I don't know why I'm here." She arches a triumphant eyebrow. "I mean _in_ here. In this bathroom in Paris with someone who can't even admit to basic curiosity." He pushes her back gently and walks to the door. "I didn't come here for you and thank God for that." He shakes his head as he looks back at her, his hand on the doorknob. She crosses her arms and manages to restrain herself from stopping him from leaving.

It's a long, awkward car ride back to the chateau. Serena's chattering on obliviously while Blair and Dan follow along distractedly until Dan laughs, really laughs, at something Serena says. She turns her head and glares at him though she's not sure he can even see it in the dark car. She's not sure if she's more upset about him laughing when they're supposed to be upset with each other or about the fact that she's able to discern his different laughs. "Serena, next time you invite a guest to stay at a place we are renting together, you might ask first." Blair interjects loudly over their jokes.

"I'm sorry, B." Serena sighs and reaches a hand over to rest on her arm. "I've been so bored when you go out with the prince. I was talking to Dan the other night and, I don't know, I just asked him to come. It was all really last minute." So she and Dan just gab on the phone like a couple of old ladies and make impulsive plans together? She feels herself flush with anger and embarrassment. He came here for Serena. Of course he did.

"The prince?" Dan clears his throat and she can feel his eyes on her.

"Yes, Humphrey, I've been spending time with the prince of Monaco." She says proudly and sits up a little straighter. "It's been quite a fairytale." And she launches into a detailed account of their thrilling evenings together.

He and Serena have the decency to wait to laugh until the car has stopped in the chateau driveway and she can make a frustrated exit.

* * *

"Go away, Serena!" Blair yells at the knock at her door. She is not in the mood for apologies and hair braiding. Her phone goes off.

_*It's me and you and your loud mouth are about to blow our cover.* _The ding of her phone startles her and then excites her once she realizes it's from Dan.

***You cannot seriously think I am sleeping with you after everything that happened tonight.* **

_*I'm not trying to sleep with you! Is that seriously all you think that I think about?*_

***I don't really care. I'm sure Serena's door is open and ready. Go bother her since you did come here for her afterall.* **Oh, damn. She wishes she could get that one back.

_*Blair, open the door so we can talk about this like the mature, evolved people who decided to have uncomplicated sex.* _

***Why should I?* **That's childish, but she doesn't care.

_*Oh my God. Nevermind. I'm sorry for….tonight and anything else that may have upset you, your highness. Have a good night.*_

Oh, so now he's just going to leave? And with dignity and grace? Over her dead body. She throws open her door, fully prepared to chase him down, only to see him standing there with a small, knowing grin. She rolls her eyes and yanks him inside her room. "I'm not going to comment on how well I played that because I am fully aware that we are on the second floor and I see now that you have a balcony."

"Oh, so you do have a brain!" She says happily before she shoots a glare at him.

He sighs and gives her an apologetic look. "I really am sorry."

"For what?" She runs a hand through her hair with feigned disinterest.

"For my part in the bathroom debacle, for not just telling you I was coming here and why, and for laughing at your fairytale." She eyes him when she notices him stifling another laugh. He clears his throat. "Sorry."

"I don't blame you for not telling me." She shrugs a shoulder and watches him. "I'd be embarrassed to admit that I was still following my ex around like a lost puppy in the hopes she might notice my presence."

"Ok, first of all, have you always been this hypocritical and I just somehow missed it because of your many other charming attributes?" He looks at her like she's crazy and doesn't give her a chance to defend herself. "And, second of all, Serena invited me here as a friend and that's the invitation I accepted. I'm not so much of a creep that I would come here trying to get back together with Serena and then sleep with you at the same time."

"Of course you say that now that I've caught you!" She argues. "And Chuck and I are completely different than you and Serena."

Dan scoffs. "That's the first true thing you've said all night."

"You know what?" She starts toward him and he slowly moves backwards. "Why did I even let you in here? I knew better than to talk to you at that party and to—to…" She stumbles over her words as she decides how much to share with him.

"To what, Blair?" He asks quietly and tilts his chin back.

"It doesn't matter." She grumbles as she calms down. "You should leave."

"Ok, but, for the record, you didn't catch me in anything." He runs a hand through his hair. "I would have told you that Serena asked me here if you had simply asked, like we both know you wanted to, in the bathroom."

She makes a loud, animalistic screech and launches herself at him. "I'm going to kill you!"

He laughs as he covers his head with his arms and tries to dodge her. "Calm down! You're going to wake Serena up." He tries to grab her but her arms are flying in every direction.

"I don't care!" She gets a shove in and he stumbles back into the wall with a huff. "I don't care who knows what because I am going to ruin you." She presses herself against him.

He furrows his brow and darts his eyes around the room. "For what? For being honest with you?" She raises her arm and he grabs it before she can do anything with it. "I think you need someone like me in your life."

Her mouth falls open and she shakes her head. "To drive me absolutely insane? No, thanks, Humphrey, you've been doing that just fine from a distance for years."

"Yeah, but I've never gotten this out of you." He remarks thoughtfully.

This time she looks at him like he's crazy. "Do you like your women on the edge?"

He shrugs and smiles at her. "It's kind of hot….and funny." He shrugs a shoulder nonchalantly. "I think you need to be challenged. I think you _like_ it." He says with the subtlety of an elephant.

She feels her eyes flash and sees his light up in amusement. "I am going to ruin you." She doesn't know if it's a threat or a warning.

"Maybe I want to be ruined." He locks his eyes on hers before he lands a rough kiss. He breaks away and begins kissing down her neck.

"Maybe you don't deserve to be ruined." She says breathlessly when she feels his teeth graze against her skin. She moans and fists her hand in his hair.

He pops his head back up to smirk at her. "I was so annoying today though." He kisses her lips again.

"Exactly." She murmurs between kisses.

"Oh…." He rests his forehead against hers and takes a deep breath. "I'll make it up to you then." His hands work her robe off of her shoulders and roam over her skin.

Now his lips are brushing against her shoulder. "…How—could you possibly?" She asks in a daze.

He breathes roughly against her skin and pulls her even closer to him. His lips kiss a path to her ear where his teeth tug on her lobe and she grabs onto him a little tighter. "I could do that thing you like." He whispers against her ear.

That's it. She moans his name before she moves her head to kiss his lips. He lifts her into his arms and places her on the chaise where he does that thing she likes, repeatedly.

* * *

"So, what was really going on with you earlier?" He asks hesitantly when they're tangled in one of her bedsheets on the floor, looking out at the Paris night through the open balcony doors. He adjusts down so he can see her better.

She pouts her lips. "I loathe surprises and you appearing at a party, talking to Serena, without warning, after—everything, is an awful, awful surprise."

He watches her closely, like a patient chess player. "Which part is awful?"

"You could have told me you were coming." She says softly. "I wouldn't have gotten mad."

"Would the prince?" He asks with a joking tone that doesn't fully land.

She props herself up on one elbow. "I'm not so much of a creep that I would sleep with you while dating somebody else." She uses his earlier words and rests a tentative hand against his chest when he looks up at her. "We're just friends."

"You and I or you and the prince?" He runs his hand down her arm. She darts her eyes away.

"The prince and I are just friends and you and I are just fucking." She says slowly as she slides her eyes from his torso to his face. Then she flashes him a grin. He grins back at her as she slides a hand under the sheet. She moves to straddle him. "Don't go getting all confused on me now." She adjusts herself against him and his eyes close as his head presses back against the floor.

"I would have told you before but I thought it might freak you out or ruin your vacation." He manages between breaths.

"I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you only did one of those things." He laughs roughly as she moves her hips.

"Mmmm, any chance of you telling me which one?" His hand travels to her breast.

She smiles and shakes her head. "I think you can figure that out yourself."

"Fine." She picks up her pace and he takes her by surprise when he sits up quickly to kiss her. "I just—one moment of complete honesty…" He runs a hand through her hair and grips it as he looks at her. She's not sure who he's talking to, her or himself. She keeps moving. "I didn't want to tell you I was coming because I didn't want you to leave." She pauses and watches him for a moment. "I—"

She kisses him. "Stop talking." He looks at her guiltily. "You'll ruin everything." She whispers before she kisses him and starts moving again.

* * *

"B!" Serena calls jovially when Blair steps out into the backyard to join her and Dan for brunch.

"Good morning, Serena." Blair smiles at her friend as she takes her seat and spreads her napkin in her lap. "Humphrey." She says politely. Damn, he looks good today in his button down shirt with his sleeves rolled up. Really good. She frowns.

"Good morning, Waldorf." He says with a smile in his voice and on his face and she ignores the effect that it has on her. She starts filling her plate with fruit and a muffin.

"You're getting a late start today. Dan and I had almost given up on you." Serena teases and takes a stab at a piece of fruit.

"I had trouble falling asleep." She says calmly and takes a sip of her mimosa.

"Oh, that's too bad." Dan says and leans back in his chair. "You seem to be in good spirits all the same." He observes with the nonchalance of a helicopter.

She rolls her eyes behind her sunglasses and sets her champagne flute on the table carefully. She'll have to warn him about this kind of thing. "Yes, well, once I was able to fall asleep, I slept like a baby."

"Sounds nice." Dan says with a warm smile and the sincerity makes her soften.

"It does." Serena yawns and stretches. "I fell asleep fine but I kept hearing noises throughout the night that woke me. I don't know, I think this place is so weird sometimes." She comments and tosses her hair over her shoulder.

Blair chokes on her scone. "I'm sure it's your imagination, S."

"I think Serena might be on to something." Dan puts his hands behind his head and smirks. "I didn't sleep well either. It was like something just kept waking me up."

"Humphrey!" Blair shouts. "You are a guest and staying here for free. Try a little tact, hmm?" She kicks him under the table.

"Just an observation." He shrugs.

Serena pushes her sunglasses onto her head. "I wonder if we need to try to rent a different place." She looks between Dan and Blair with worried eyes.

"Serena." Blair says comfortingly and rests a hand on top of hers. "Humphrey is just being his usual, troublesome self. I'm sure this place is not haunted." She smiles at her friend. "And, if it is, we'll just offer him as a sacrifice."

Dan snorts. "Thanks."

She flashes him a smile. "Just trying to make your life a little more meaningful."

"Alright, you two." Serena interjects. "Don't chase off our guest, B. I did feel a little better knowing you were here last night, Dan." Serena squeezes his hand before she gets up from her chair. "I'm going to grab a sweater and then we'll hit the town." She's off with a flurry and shouts over her shoulder. "Try not to kill each other, please!"

Blair leans back casually in her chair. "Humphrey, what do you think she honestly thinks you would do if there was an intruder, supernatural or no?" She laughs lightly and drinks more of her mimosa.

"Hey, I would protect you." He says defensively.

Blair smirks. "Would you protect her though?" She jerks her head toward the house.

"Of course." He says calmly.

"Who would you protect first?" She purses her lips and arches an eyebrow.

"You are so twisted, Waldorf." He shakes his head.

"Seems like an easy enough question: the love of your life or the girl you hate but are fucking?" She laughs again.

"It's really not that simple." He plays with his empty glass.

She watches him for a minute and realizes he's actually uncomfortable. "It's ok, Humphrey. We both know your answer." She drains her glass. "I was just teasing."

"Sometimes I think you spent way too much time with Chuck." Her heart beats a little faster and her stomach twists; he has no idea.

She laughs like she's bored. "Shocker." She can't keep the edge out of her voice. They sit in a loaded moment of silence before he rises from the table and grabs his glass and plate to take inside. She gestures to the dishes in his hands. "I see you haven't completely forgotten your station in life."

He looks down at the dishes in his hands before he smiles at her. "I haven't." He goes inside without another word. She looks at her hands folded in her lap and feels the sharp, unfamiliar pang of guilt.

* * *

Somehow the three of them manage to spend the day together without a major incident. It's actually been a nice day.

"Ok, kids, I need a nap if I'm going to be any fun tonight." Serena announces after a late lunch. "Anyone want to come back with me?"

"No, thanks, I think I'm going to go to the Louvre." Dan says as he gets his wallet out to pay. Of course he is, she thinks to herself.

"Of course you are." Serena smiles. Blair's jaw tenses. "I can't wait to hear what you think of it. B?"

"Oh, no." She says distractedly as she considers Serena's interactions with Dan. "I'm going to do some shopping."

"Alright, I'll meet you guys at the house later then." Serena looks over at Dan messing with his money. "Do you need help with that?"

"Oh, yeah." He laughs self-consciously. "I just can't get this currency difference. Sorry."

"It's ok." She waves it off and takes his money and his check to help him. Blair can't help but notice that Serena is a bit nicer to him than she is. And that's an understatement. "There you go." She smiles and holds it out for him. "Bye." She says breezily before she strides out of the restaurant. Dan tosses the cash on the table and gets up.

"Going so soon?" Blair looks up at him.

"Yeah." He smiles at her. "I'm actually really excited to get to the Louvre."

"I believe you, Humphrey." She says quietly and rests her head against her hand as she watches him.

"Alright, well, I guess I'll see you later….." Dan watches her for a moment before he starts to leave.

"Oh, I almost forgot that there's only one car available to us so we'll need to ride back to the chateau together." She lies casually and runs a finger around the rim of her glass.

He narrows his eyes and cocks his head to the side. "Ok. Should I call you when I'm ready?"

"If I don't call you first." She arches her eyebrow. "You have my number."

He laughs lightly. "That I do." He says and she feels herself flush. He gives her a nod before he walks out the door.

* * *

For some ungodly reason, she finds herself standing outside of the Louvre. She frowns down at her traitorous feet for leading her here. She debates with herself on the merits of actually going inside and finding Dan. Before she can even reach a decision, Dan is walking to her.

"Hey." He smiles at her. "What are you doing here?"

She presses her lips into a straight line. "The same thing that you and everyone else is doing here." He looks at her skeptically. She grips her purse handles tighter. "Appreciating history and artistry, Humphrey."

"Oh, well, enjoy it." He nods his head and starts to walk toward the entrance. Without her.

She grimaces and runs to catch up to him. He's not going to make it easy on her. "Fine, I came to help you." She says when she's by his side again.

He turns his head to look at her. "Help me? With what?"

"With….the history and art." He furrows his brow with amusement. "And the culture." She waves her hand for effect.

"Yeah, I don't need help with that." He looks straight ahead and laughs as he shakes his head.

"Humphrey, I thought for certain you were evolved past pride." She comments and purses her lips as she glances over at him.

"No more than you've evolved past ignorance." He retorts with a smirk.

"Humphrey!" She clicks her tongue against her teeth and swats his arm with her free hand. "I'm starting to think you're less intelligent than I had previously given you credit for. I am an expert on these exhibits." She shrugs and sighs. "I just want you to have a good Louvre experience."

"I've been around art my entire life." He looks over at her again. "I can handle this without your _help_."

She scoffs. "Oh, you mean your father's local Brooklyn gallery?"

"That and my mom is an artist. I also have an education that is not dissimilar to yours. I've probably been exposed to alot more art and culture than you have in your stuffy Upper East Side castle." He gets into the line to go in. "In fact, I know I have."

"That is actually insane." She crosses her arms.

"It's not." He turns to her suddenly. "Blair, I want to enjoy this and if you're going to insult me the entire time then I think we should split up." He says calmly. She winces and adjusts her sunglasses. He reaches a hand out to touch her arm and she jerks it back. "I'm sorry. You know I don't normally mind your attitude but—"

"No, I'm sorry that you're insulted by truth and facts." She shrugs. "As it is I'll simply provide my input as needed."

"It's not needed." He returns flatly.

"I'm trying to be nicer to you!" She stomps her foot. "I stopped my own shopping to come and help you with this. You are entirely ungrateful!" She huffs.

"I didn't ask for any of this!" He looks around in exasperation. "We, as you have pointed out many times, are not in a relationship!"

Her mouth falls open. "I have never said we are not in a relationship!"

"What?" He laughs and yells at the same time. "You have actually lost it."

"I have not! Saying we are not in a relationship has certain implications itself. We are not even friends, Humphrey!" She glares at a group of people enjoying their outburst. Dan follows her line of vision and does the same. She feels something like pride but she pushes it aside. "We are most certainly not in a relationship and I did not think that needed to be said. Until now!"

"Oh my God!" He lets his head drop back dramatically. "That is—you're arguing semantics and that is the epitome of desperate."

"Desperate?" She sputters. "What exactly do you think I'm desperate for? I only have to look at you and you're ready and willing to go." He opens his mouth in protest and she cuts him off. "Not to mention that I am not desperate for you—or anyone—anyway!"

"I didn't mean that kind of desperate." He moves closer to her. "Though you certainly could have fooled me. You initiated it pretty much every time we've had sex." He moves with the line distractedly. "Not to mention you initiated all of this!" He gestures wildly with his hands.

"Humphrey!" She pushes him and he stumbles back. "I am not the one who flew to a different continent for a booty call!"

"Neither did I!" He shouts defensively and she scoffs. "I'm over this." Her heart starts beating even faster. Wait, he's over this? Over what? "Why don't you just call Chuck or your supposed prince and torture them with your attention for a little while?" She purses her lips and tries to think of a clever reply.

It doesn't come. "Fine!" She shouts and storms to the end of the other line.

"Fine!" She hears him shout back. She rolls her eyes. She refuses to be disrespected by Dan Humphrey.

* * *

She jumps when he stands beside her a couple of hours later. "The car is here." He says softly.

She looks at him blankly. "That's lovely."

"There's only one and we're supposed to meet up with Serena." He says slowly.

She looks at him in confusion. "There is not only—" She remembers her lie belatedly and now he looks like he's confused. "I'd rather walk." She looks back at the painting.

"Blair, I'm not leaving you stranded in Paris." He says with obvious battle fatigue.

She looks at him in disbelief. "I think I can manage, Humphrey."

"Just come with me." He says seriously.

"No." She looks at him with a furrowed brow.

"I don't want to…." He scrubs his hands down his face. "I don't want Serena to worry about you."

She turns to face him now. "Serena knows that I am not an incompetent damsel in distress who can't find my way around a city I've spent half of my life in." She says adamantly.

"Ok." He rocks back on his heels and nods. "You are so impossible." He mutters and starts toward the exit.

Her eyes widen. Is he really starting with her again? "You are unbelievable, Humphrey." She says as she falls in place beside him.

"I guess I'll take that as a compliment from you." He shakes his head as they step outside.

"That's wise seeing as how I have nothing else to compliment you on." She remarks with clear irritation in her voice. She's irritated with herself too for finding him this irritating.

He opens the car door for her and she glares at him as she gets in. "I knew—I _knew_—sleeping with you was a horrible idea and I did it anyway." He says once the car door is closed. "What is wrong with me?" He looks at the roof of the car.

She shoots him a look. "Spare me the righteous indignation. You slept with me multiple times with what sounded and felt absolutely nothing like regret." Her voice loses a lot of its bravado by the end.

"Yeah, well, I won't be doing it again." He says as he finally moves his eyes away from her and looks out the window.

"Grow up, Humphrey." She spits out. "You know next to nothing about mistakes."

He groans loudly. "Grow up?" He looks at her again and slides closer to her in the car. "You can't even talk about anything that you're feeling. Instead you just drop weird little cryptic hints about your tortured life and ignore reality because you're so scared and insecure." That is too close. He's crossing lines.

"You regret this? No, _I _regret this!" She shouts and turns in the seat to face him. "Maybe I've done things I'm not proud of and maybe I don't let myself feel things but at least I don't overanalyze every single little thing someone says or does." She purses her lips together. "Sometimes people are actually saying what they mean." She sees his jaw tense.

"I assume we're going to the chateau?" The driver asks in the long silence.

"Yes!" They both shout at the same time and maintain eye contact with each other.

"You are beyond infuriating." He says quietly and runs his hand over his jaw. She notices that his stubble is starting to come in.

She can't help herself and her tongue darts out to wet her lips. His eyes follow the movement and stay focused on her mouth. "I can't stand you." She whispers in frustration but she's mostly frustrated with herself because she wants him so much. "Oh, fuck." She murmurs as she leans in to kiss him. She sees the beginnings of a smile on his lips just before they connect.

He pulls her into his lap and leans back against the seat as they kiss. "The driver…." He whispers against her lips.

"That is not what I want to hear right now, Humphrey." She teases and continues kissing him. Just kissing him like this is enough to start chipping away at the tension between them.

He laughs and runs his hands through her hair. It nearly drives her crazy. "How do you roll up the window thing?" His eyes dance with hers.

"It's called a partition." She rolls her eyes as she slides off of his lap to crawl over to the button to roll it up. She feels Dan's hand trailing up her leg and her eyes close in anticipation. She stops rolling it up and sits back to look at Dan. "Take the long way." She shouts to the driver with a devilish grin at Dan which he returns. She reaches behind her to finish rolling up the partition as he makes his way to her. He smirks at her before he kisses her and slides to the floor in front of the seat. He takes her shoes off her feet and places them gently on the floor. He kisses her ankle then begins moving his hands up her legs switching his gaze from her legs to her eyes. She leans forward to kiss him again as he moves his hands up her thighs and slips his fingers down the sides of her underwear to move them down her legs. "You do this a lot." She observes as he pushes her back against the seat. "Even when you don't need to."

He shrugs a shoulder. "I like it." He slides one of her breasts out of her bra and dress. "Would you prefer I didn't do it a lot?" He asks distractedly before he kisses her skin.

"Mmmm, no. No, no, no." She sighs as he moves his hand between her legs and his mouth stays focused on her breast. His stubble tickles her skin and she's already arching against him. "I'd prefer if you'd never stop." She whispers.

She feels him laugh against her skin and she flushes. She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but he's so good at this. "I'm glad we're on the same page." He nips at her skin before he sits up again.

She raises her eyebrows as she watches him. "Then why are you stopping?"

He laughs and leans down to kiss her thigh. "I'm just starting, Waldorf." He places her legs over his shoulders and raises her dress up. She gasps loudly and reaches for the seat behind her to hold onto when his lips and tongue touch her center.

"There isn't only one car available to us." She says breathlessly as she hooks her legs around his shoulders.

"What?" His floppy haired head pops up from between her legs.

She groans and shifts restlessly. "I'm being honest with you." Her eyes stare into his and she feels a little reckless, feels like she owes him something. "I wanted to ride back with you so that I could be alone with you—well, without Serena—just for a little while."

He smirks and lowers his head back to her center. She cries out and grips his hair to try to keep herself tied to reality in some way. "Did you want to be alone so that I could do this?" He whispers against her and peaks up at her with a grin.

She lets her head fall back and she laughs. "Yes and—" She moans loudly. His tongue makes her forget her words. He didn't need to know that anyway.

"That's why I didn't say anything when you asked." He kisses her skin gently as his fingers pick up where his mouth left off.

"What?" She asks dazedly.

"I'm catching on to your lies, Waldorf." He kisses the inside of her thigh and looks up at her with playful eyes.

She rolls her eyes and pushes his head back down. "I like you better when you can't talk." His laugh against her sends her over the edge.

* * *

"We have to go inside." She says with a grin as she looks over at him. She thinks she nearly broke him. It was well earned though all things considered.

He turns his head slowly and smirks at her. "I'd love to go inside." He leans over to kiss her and his hand threads gently through her hair.

She laughs into his kiss. "Horrible." She breaks away and gives him a playful shove. He laughs and pulls his shorts up. She sighs and stretches as she sits up. Before she can even get her underwear back on, Dan's fixing the top of her dress for her and leaving kisses across her back and shoulders. The tenderness of the gesture is enough to make her cry. "So I'll see you tonight?" She turns to face him.

"Mmmhmm." He nods and yawns at the same time. Damn it, she's starting to find him cute. She swallows hard as she realizes what that means. This can't go on much longer. It doesn't have to end just yet though.

She rests a hand on his cheek. "Wake up or you'll get us caught." She slips her hand from his cheek to his jaw and she grips his chin before she tugs his face closer for a quick kiss. She pulls his hair and gets out of the car. She leans back into it. "Come on now. It's suspicious if we go in separately."

He groans and begins sliding toward the door. "I still hate you." He says with an arched eyebrow.

"And I still can't stand you." She says as she grabs his arm and yanks him out of the car. She gives him a playful shove when he falls in step beside her. He smiles at her and gives her a nudge. All this smiling. She tries to stop it but when she can't she decides to look at the ground.

* * *

She wasn't expecting the prince to be at the party. She's been wrapped up with him most of the night. Dan has been wrapped up with Serena. That's why he's here after all. Still, knowing everything she knows doesn't stop the jealousy from creeping in. She tries to tell herself it's his suit. It's making him seem like he's someone other than a hipster college student who hails from Brooklyn, New York.

"May I have this dance?" She turns to see Dan's outstretched hand. She looks up at him to reject him, but he doesn't let her. "Serena suggested it. She said you love this piece and since Prince Louis is tied up for the moment…." Dan gestures toward Louis with a group of diplomats.

"I get you." Blair intends for it to come out wryly but it doesn't. Not even a little.

"You get me." He says softly. She sighs and places her hand in his to let him lead her to the dance floor. He pulls her closer and holds her a little tighter than the last time they did this. "I—uh—I also wanted to apologize for today."

"Is that why you've been staring at me all night?" She arches an eyebrow.

He locks his eyes on her. "If you've noticed then you must be staring too."

She widens her eyes before she darts them away. "Flawed logic." He smirks at her knowingly. She clears her throat. "You are on quite an apology tour since your arrival."

He chuckles. "I am. I'm not saying that I'm taking full responsibility, but I apologize for my part and for some of the things I said." She furrows her brow as she looks up at him and they sway to the music. "For instance, I do not regret….our arrangement. I never have. Not really." She sees him swallow hard and he squeezes her hand.

Her mouth falls open and she looks away to keep a hold of herself. "You don't have to say things like this." She looks back at him and feels like her eyes are pleading with him to not do this.

He smiles and ducks his head. "I know and I know I shouldn't for so many reasons." He sighs and shrugs a shoulder. "I just didn't want to leave that out there."

She's already kicking herself for what she's about to say. "I don't regret anything either." She says softly. He only nods and pulls her even closer.

"May I be completely honest with you?" He watches her intently.

She glares at him. "It seems I can't control you so I don't know why you're asking."

He rolls his eyes. "This is a perfect example of what's going on." She furrows her brow. "The truth is I just don't know how to balance all of this. One minute we're arguing the next we're having sex then we're having a—a moment or something where I think maybe we don't completely hate each other but then it all gets shot to hell." He shrugs his shoulders. "I can't keep up. I—I don't even know how to."

"There's nothing to keep up with, Humphrey." She smooths her hand over his shoulder blade. "We both know what this is."

He looks away for a moment. "We do." He finally agrees. "That doesn't mean we have to fight like cats and dogs _all_ of the time." His eyes pass over her face. "I was hoping it might mean the opposite. Maybe we can try to be actual friends."

"So you've said." She says tersely.

He laughs quietly, bitterly. "But it's what you've said that counts." He says sadly as he turns them.

"You'll thank me when we're not in over our heads when it's time for this to end." She says sharply.

"And we'll both be sorry when you realize that saying the words, whether you mean them or not, doesn't make anything so." He says pointedly and holds her gaze for a beat before he kisses her cheek. "You're beautiful; that's why I've been staring." He whispers against her ear. "Louis is a lucky man." He smiles as he releases her from his hold when the music comes to an end. She's speechless. She walks toward Serena as Dan makes his way to the bar. She can't keep her eyes off of him.

"That looked like quite a dance and conversation." Serena says with a tight smile. "You two must have had quite a day."

Blair shakes her head and scrunches up her face. "It was awful. All of it." She grabs a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and takes a sip. "Never inflict your charity on me again please." Serena smiles and Blair can tell she doesn't mean it. She swallows hard. "He mostly talked about you and other fairy tales that no one believes in anymore." She feels bad for lying but she doesn't want Serena to know and this is the logical way to throw her off.

"Really?" Serena asks with some skepticism but Blair can see her softening because this is what she wants to hear.

"Truly." She says and looks at Dan at the bar. "He has his head in the clouds, S."

"I've always liked that about him." Serena says with a brighter smile and a shrug.

Blair loses her breath from the jealousy for a moment. It must be nice to be that open and happy. She shakes it off and gives Serena a smile. "Good for you." Words do not make anything so.


End file.
